Rules, Schmules
by Mortigothus Ulrico
Summary: After a frustrating day leads to inspiration, Timmy cuts a deal with Norm that frees him from the constraints of Da Rules. What will he do with his new rule-free wishes, and is not being bound by the rules really as great as it seems? Rated T for safety.


Timmy Turner was very unhappy.

So far, it seemed like his entire day was one horrible thing after another.

The problems started as soon as he had woken up. There was an utterly repulsive smell in his room thanks to something being very wrong with the ventilation system.

On the ride to school, he'd been forced to take the worst seat on the bus by far. It was extremely uncomfortable and he spent most of the ride getting jostled.

Things only went from bad to worse once he actually arrived at school. Francis was in a terrible mood, and decided to take it out on one of his favorite punching bags. One that came with a free pink baseball cap.

Before this day, Timmy had no idea that a wedgie could cause somebody's underwear to go that far up their colon.

On top of that, it was March 15th, so Crocker was even more of a jerk than usual. Add in the fact that his obsession with proving the existence of fairies was getting worse all the time, and he was downright insufferable. To make matters worse, with Crocker tailing him, he couldn't get Cosmo and Wanda's help, lest Crocker find out he had fairy godparents.

Things did not improve when he returned home. His dad was making a lot of unnecessary noise as part of yet another harebrained scheme to get the better of the Dinklebergs, while his mom was incredibly shrill to compensate.

Then they left for dinner, which meant that Timmy was getting a visit from Vicky. Oh, and she was really angry at him, since she'd failed a test and blamed him, saying she wasted valuable study time supervising him. Timmy pointed out that she was supervising him cleaning her car - which he'd never done before - and she dirtied it every time he was done.

Sometimes, Timmy didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

So now, he was locked in his room with the upstairs power cut off, trying to do a difficult homework assignment. The more he tried to work, the more his frustration built.

Eventually, Mt. Timmy erupted.

"GAH!" He yelled, pounding his fists on his desk. "I'm sick of this! I want today to be over already!"

Wanda poofed beside him. "Want some help with your homework, sport?"

That made him feel somewhat better. "Thanks, Wanda." He sighed. "I just wish there was more you and Cosmo could do for me."

Cosmo - who was polishing a piece of sandpaper in the corner - looked up. "What do you have in mind?" he asked as he raised his wand.

Timmy sighed. "That was a rhetorical statement."

"You mean like they have on a barn?" he asked.

"Not a red door statement."

"You mean like a fortune teller?"

"Not an oracle statement."

Cosmo shrugged. "Well, if you're going to make a read article statement again, let me know, 'kay?" That said, his eyes returned to the sandpaper and he went back to his polishing.

Timmy turned back to his work. "You know, times like this, I really want to get rid of everything horrible about my life."

Wanda frowned. "I know how you feel, but unfortunately, if your life was too good, we'd have to leave. It's the rules."

Timmy's frustration, which had subsided somewhat, boiled over again when she said this. "RULES, RULES, RULES!" he yelled. "I'm sick of the rules! They never help me, they only ever make things harder for me!" He yelled inarticulately for a little bit, raising his hands to the sky, then slumped and became quieter. But though he had burned off a good deal of his energy, he wasn't calmer or in a better mood, as shown by the glare on his face. "Rules, schmules", he said. "What good are they? If only I wasn't bound by them."

Wanda patted his shoulder sympathetically. "I know you're frustrated, Timmy. But unfortunately, the rules are binding, even if I wish they weren't sometimes. If you really want rule-free wishes, you'll just have to wait until your next fairy-versary."

Cosmo looked up from his polishing. "Not really. He could always find a genie if he really wanted to ignore the rules. But of course, there's no guarantee they'll grant your wishes the way you want. Of course, we know that from experience."

Timmy sighed. "Yeah. Don't remind me."

"Too late for that," Cosmo replied.

"That was rhetorical."

"Well, why didn't you tell me you were gonna get rebel sickle?"

"Never mind," Timmy said. "But you're right. Maybe if Norm could be relied on, I could..."

Then Timmy got an idea. It was a simple idea, but it made sense. Hopefully, it would turn out to be a win-win solution. As he mulled it over, he made a slowly growing smile.

"...You know, maybe he can." he said with a smirk.

Cosmo and Wanda glanced at each other anxiously.

"I'm not sure I like where this is going," Wanda said.

"Ditto, and I'm not sure I even KNOW where this is going." Cosmo replied.

"Just relax," Timmy said. "I'm sure we'll all be happy once I'm done." He cracked his knuckles. "I wish I had Norm's lamp!"

Reluctantly, Cosmo and Wanda waved their wands. A very familiar lava lamp appeared on Timmy's desk.

"Awesome!" Timmy shouted in excitement as he picked up the lamp.

"What are you doing Timmy?" Wanda asked. "You know what Norm is like!"

"Yeah," said Timmy, "and I also know what he wants more than anything."

He rubbed the lamp, and Norm materialized out of it.

While he was on the phone.

"-I don't think you get it..." he trailed off as his eyes widened. "Sorry, Rob, I'm gonna have to call you back." He hung up and put his phone away. "Well, if it isn't the elusive pink-headed beaver in its natural habitat. You really are a sucker for punishment, aren't you."

"Nice to see you again too, Norm," deliberately not rising to his insults.

"Let's cut to the chase. Why'd you bring me here, horseshoe teeth?"

"Norm, I don't like you, and you don't like me. But there's one thing we have in common."

"Let me guess: We like tormenting that crazy teacher of yours?"

Timmy rubbed his chin. "OK, maybe two things."

Now Norm was interested. "What's the other similarity?"

"Isn't it obvious? We're both hate being constrained."

"Where are you going with this?"

"You're bound to your lamp, and I'm bound by the rules. And I think we can help each other. With that in mind, I'd like to offer you a deal."

"Alright, kiddo, what do you have in mind?"

"It's simple. You grant me two wishes, as I want them and without twisting them so they hurt me, and I use my third wish to set you free."

Norm was conflicted. On the one hand, there were few things he loved more than tormenting the shmucks who wanted him to grant their wishes. Having to give Timmy - a boy he really hated - exactly what he wanted would chafe pretty badly. On the other, a chance at freedom was too good to pass up. He thought it over briefly, and before long, his desire to be free won out over his love of torturing people, especially people he disliked.

_Just three more wishes, and I'll never have to grant another_ _again, _he thought to himself. _Actually, since the third wish is really for me, I guess I really only have to grant two._

"Alright, Turner, you got yourself a deal. So, what's your first wish?"

Timmy smiled, but then his face became serious. "Before I make it, I'd like to make one thing completely clear. Your chance at freedom is riding on me. If you don't grant my wishes exactly as I want them, then you can kiss your ticket goodbye. And I know you're not getting another anytime soon. So if you try to screw me, you'll just end up screwing yourself."

Cosmo giggled.

Norm's face hardened. "You really need to get more mature friends. I'm surprised Cosmo can be alone unsupervised."

"I didn't choose my godparents," Timmy said.

"Whatever. So, Turner Classic Moron, what's your first wish?"

Timmy smirked. "I wish that my fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda, were no longer bound by the rules!"

Norm let out a noise somewhere between a snarl and a groan. "Oh, I should've known!"

Timmy looked perplexed. "Should've known what?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Turner. It's a classic 'use 'em and dump 'em' strategy. Once your wand-waving friends don't have to follow their rules anymore, you're not going need me anymore. So you won't make your second or third wishes, and you'll just leave me to rot while _technically_ keeping your side of the deal." He growled.

Timmy shook his head. "Norm, you're too cynical for your own good. That's not how it's gonna be at all. Grant me the wish, and I'll prove it."

Norm took a deep breath. "Fine, but if you try to shaft me, I swear I'm hiring the lawyer you used against me."

That said, he waved his hands, summoning Cosmo and Wanda's copy of Da Rules. He snapped his fingers, and the title changed to Da Suggestions.

"Alright, kiddo, that oversized rulebook isn't something you gotta worry about anymore. Happy?"

Timmy smiled. "You seem to have done what I wanted, but it can't hurt to check. I think we should make sure the text was actually changed."

Wanda picked up the book and opened it. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Norm was as good as his word. There aren't any restrictions anymore, just suggestions on what would be a good use of our magic. And there aren't any conditions that would force us to leave you any more, either."

"That's good to hear. Still, I think we should test it." Remembering the rule against counterfeiting, Timmy had an idea to see if he wasn't bound by the rules anymore. "Cosmo, Wanda, I wish for a $5 bill."

His fairy godparents waved their wands, and sure enough, a $5 bill appeared in his hand.

Timmy was overjoyed. "Awesome! I can wish for whatever I want now! Thank you so much, Norm!"

Overwhelmed with joy, he tried to hug the genie, only to be held at arms' length.

"Woah, half-pint, don't thank me just yet. Let's complete our deal first."

Timmy gave a sheepish smile. "You're right. Sorry, I just got carried away. This is really, really exciting for me."

"And I'll probably be excited once I'm free. Speaking of which, what's your second wish?"

"Oh, that's another easy one. I don't want freeing you to be a mistake, so I wish you were a decent guy!"

Norm rolled his eyes. "Of course you do," he said with a sigh. "Still, I can't go back now, so I might as well do this." He put one hand on the top of his head, and the other above his heart, as he began kneading his skin and fluttering his fingers.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Timmy asked.

"Changing your personality and morality is a very delicate task. You really don't want to screw it up, so you gotta be careful and gradual." He continued doing so for what seemed like a few minutes, and finally withdrew his hands.

"OK, I'm a good guy now." Norm said once he was done. "I gotta say, I didn't know what to expect. And it feels... well, good. That was sharp of you, Turner, to make me a good nice guy so you could free me with a clear conscience. So, you gonna set me free now?"

"Sorry, Norm, but I gotta check and make sure you're not just putting on an act. No offense."

"None taken. I know how I was in the past."

Timmy nodded. "Cosmo, Wanda, I wish for a morality detector!"

His fairies waved their wands, conjuring what looked like a pink, green, and gold telescope. Timmy put the lens to his eye and looked at norm. Overlaying his image was text reading "good guy".

"Well, it looks like you kept your word again, Norm." Timmy said. "I'd say you deserve a reward."

Norm beamed. "You mean-"

"Yes, I do. Norm, for my final wish, I wish you were free from your lamp!"

Smiling in excitement, Norm snapped his fingers. Noticing that he wasn't being sucked back into the lamp, he started trembling in euphoria.

"I don't believe it." Norm said with clear joy. "I'm free! After 50,000 years bound to that lamp, I'm finally free! Somebody pinch me!"

"Okie-dokie!" Cosmo said cheerfully, then turned his left hand into a giant crab claw and pinched Norm's arm.

"OW!" Norm cried out as he pulled his arm back. "You're lucky I'm not a jerk anymore, Cosmo, or I'd have zapped you." He rubbed the injury in pain, muttering "this is almost as bad as getting those staples removed."

Cosmo frowned. "Don't blame me, you're the one who asked."

Norm glared.

"OK, I'm sorry," Cosmo said.

Norm smiled. "That's better."

"So Norm," Timmy began "what are you going to do now that you're free?"

Norm rubbed his chin. "Honestly, I don't know. Most of my ideas hinged on me still being a jerk. Maybe I'll try and find something to like about Canada. Might take a while, but then again, I'm immortal." He smiled. "Thanks for freeing me, champ."

"And thanks again for making sure I don't have to follow the rules anymore. You saved me more hassle than I can tell."

"Nice to know. Maybe I'll visit once in a while, see how you're doing." He picked up the lamp. "Guess I might as well keep this, for old times' sake."

"Bon voyage, Norm." Timmy said.

"Bye, kid." Norm replied. "I'll remember this."

Norm poofed out of the room, leaving Timmy and his fairy godparents to consider what had transpired, as well as their newfound freedom.

"Well, that went better than I expected." Wanda said.

Cosmo nodded. "I know, right? I was afraid we might get trapped in Norm's lamp again. His décor is so tacky."

Wanda shifted uncomfortably. "Sport, I know the rules could be frustrating for all of us, but they usually exist for good reasons. I'm not saying you should still follow them, just telling you not to go overboard now that we're free of them."

Timmy nodded. "Don't worry, I promise not to go too crazy. At the very least, I'll try not to do anything that would endanger Earth or Fairy World."

"Well, that's reassuring," Cosmo said. "So, what'll your first rule-free wish be? A billion dollars? Trixie Tang's love? An omelet at 11 AM tomorrow?"

Timmy looked pensive. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I should probably take some time to think about it."

Wanda smiled. "Good to know you're giving this the seriousness it deserves. Well, whenever you think of it, we'll be right here. Take as much time as you need."

Timmy returned the smile, and then returned to his thoughts.

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**AN: 'Sup, this is my first FOP fic. You'll see where I'm going with this before too long.**

**Don't worry, this isn't me giving Timmy an automatic "I Win" button; he will struggle sometimes. In fact, without delving into spoiler territory, him not being bound by the rules will actually start new conflicts.**

**Also, funny story, I actually wrote this chapter up in less than two hours last night. Unfortunately, it didn't save properly, so I had to write it again. Hope it doesn't suffer from that fact. Also hope something like that doesn't happen again.**


End file.
